Weakness swallows you whole.
Feeling like you have no where to go, like theres no one to turn to.
Crying out yet no one seems to hear your faint whimpers.
Sneering and snickering, pierces your chest, like a dagger right in the heart.
Laughing it off, putting up a front,
Though the truth is that it hurts.
They think their jokes are harmless fun,
They just don't understand the pain.
How they linger in the back of your mind, slowly piling higher.
Until there's so much built up you don't know what to do.
Feeling like your head is swirling in a mess of meant to be jokes, and harmful words.
Falling further down in this black pit, with seemingly no way to escape.
Your cries get fainter, the further you fall.
Eventually you have fallen so far, it seems you are but a spirit on this earth,
Invisible to the mass of humans surrounding you.
Taunting and teasing continue to hecticaly crash around you.
Reducing you to a measly grain of sand, in this planet we know as earth.
Overwhelming thoughts filling me head
Too many things to control
School, work, friends, family
All creating a twisted mess of emotions.
Unable to vent and let them out.
Feeling them pile higher inside me.
Pounding hard, trying to escape the prison like barrier of my head.
Waking up in a cold sweat
Sleep seems hard to find
Twisting and turning about my mind
Thoughts colliding with each other as fast as particles in the atmosphere.
Violently searching for a way out
So uncontrolable and unbearable, creating a migrane of confusion
Stress completly engulfs me.
I am your concious, I see all,
day by day, the rise and fall.
Your grasp of reality, down to earth,
reminding you of what life is worth.
A day of purple, full of thought,
separating what is real and what's not.
Leaving your body for an outsiders view,
seeing the world and what they think of you.
Watching your relationship, your actions and words,
making sure they don't pierce like the claws of birds.
Wanting the best, not for you to hurt others,
Seeing whether you care for your sisters and brothers.
Looking at the world in another light,
I am your concious, I try to do right.
Waking to a beautiful day, yet my mood seems altered.
Emotions mixed, wanting to cry, yet my tears do falter.
Eyes heavy, like the air has an unbarable weight upon them.
Heart slowly pounding, forcing me to go on through the day.
Mentally wishing to become a ghost, and disappear to the world.
Being able to walk the halls with an unaffected view.
Seeing the world for what it reall is, knowing people for who they are.
Hearing the childish games we play unintentially each day.
Realizing words that seem to pierce the heart, slowing it to a stop.
Trying to see what is right or if I'm just hurting other.
Wondering why I do what I do, and how I am seen.
Then putting my head down, zoning out, thoughts filling me.
I don't want you to feel pushed away,
Let me know how you feel,
Make me understand what you think,
I want to make this better.
I don't want to overlook things done wrong,
Let me see your pain,
Make me understand what I can change,
I want us to be strong.
I don't want us to drift apart,
Let me hear your thoughts,
Make me understand your fears and concerns,
I want to be ~Us~ forever.
Strong both physically and emotionaly,
Understanding and willing to change,
Able to talk and tell everything,
I love ~Us~ and I love ~YoU~
The pain surfaces, unintentionally brewed,
Harm is felt deep, without intent.
Feelings are hurt, with an invisible assaylent,
Nothing is the reason.
The nothing that has been done,
Actions left unacted.
Words left unspoken,
Resulting in blank stares.
Feelings of being pushed away,
Not knowing what or how to say,
Thoughts swirling about unorganzied,
Everything is hidden behind these eyes.
~Kierstyn
11/23/05
Emotions strewn about my mind
Doors shut tight to close them from the public eye.
A lock is placed on each door to keep them held back,
But they bulge at the seems trying to come out.
As another emotion is thrown in, the pile expands even greater.
The doors bearly shut, the hinges start to unhook,
Loosening as each emotion is thrown in and piled higher.
Only soon the hinges will break.
The closet of my mind will explode.
Fury, passion, depression, giggles,
All seeming to show their faces at once.
All that was hidden behind the doors of my mind,
Are hidden, no longer, any more.
~Kierstyn Zaykoski~
11/12/05
The once tight embrace now seperated by miles.
The smiling face that once greeted me no longer is found.
Something tugs at the safety ropes that keep our friendship strong.
Each jolt slowly frays the ends as we desperatly hang on.
The rope thins, one strand at a time.
Starting to fall then caught by another and all seems well for a while,
Until another strand breaks.
The vicious cycle only seems to repeat.
Below is no safety net to catch us.
Once the rope breaks everything is lost, fallen, in a black hole with nothing to hold on to.
Grasp desperatly but nothing will prevail.
Fall like a rag doll with flayling arms.
Never knowing when the end will come.
But hopefully the rope will not break, and this something will not break our friendship.
~Kierstyn~
Feelings of hate and betrayl.
The notes that fall into puddles of tears,
Leaves ripples of pain floating away.
The time spent waiting for an end,
Prayers waiting to be answered.
Open wounds where salt's used to mend,
Buring a hole inside you.
Then just as the light in the tunnel might last,
You want to grasp and hold tight.
You realize happiness is just in the past,
As the cycle of pain goes on.
There is a time i look back upon, even though it may seem strange,
A time when i had tripped and fell, but this time it was different.
Even though I fell pretty hard, no injuries resulted,
This was no ordinary trip this was, because when i fell....
~I fell for you~
Head over heels, there i was tumbling,
Madly spinning, and going crazy,
But somehow it seemed you were there,
To catch me and calm me as i fell...
~Into your arms~
What did i do to deserve this trip,
The ticket must have been to die for.
But for some reason i ended up with it,
And i fell for you, hard as can be..
~Look where i landed~
Getting back up is a joke to me,
No embarassment with this fall.
But something did result from this,
When i was tumbling head over heels, something pounded me hard,
~My love for you~
